04 Feb 2006

Darkness Review

+ posted by FlamingWhopper

THE DARKNESS
One Way Ticket to Hell . . . and Back
(Atlantic)

The Darkness are like German psychedelic metal band the Scorpions, except not as good. Both bands' lyrics are often incoherent enough to yield the occasional memorable phrase (sometimes strategically employing local dialects) but are usually boring and meaningless. However, the Scorpions had an interesting singer who sounded like Debbie Harry or Nina Hagen, genius guitar players including Uli Roth and Michael Schenker, and album covers strategically employing bubble gum and forks. The Darkness' Justin Hawkins, on the other hand, sounds like a cross between Boston's Brad Delp and Bronski Beat's Jimmy Somerville, and none of the rest of the band does anything as good as anybody, ever. Their album title is Oxycontin moronic and—unlike their debut, which strategically employed air-traffic paddles—this time around there's no flesh on the cover. Tonite they're not gonna rock you tonite. Unlike the Tubes and the Pet Shop Boys, the Darkness haven't found a way to make bad singing and unfunny lyrics work. There's one track worth downloading—the porridge-encrusted "Girl With the Hazel Eyes"—but only for provocation of kilted soccer hooligans when you've run out of Groundskeeper Willie jokes, and for using the word "hazelerer."

Credit: DAVE QUEEN | seattleweekly.com

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